I have an early memory of myself as a child. I’m playing in the sand box behind my house. I may have been four years old at this time, but no older.
I had no religious teaching this early in my life and had never been to church. I remember thinking of God and wondering what this was. This heavenly idea, more than likely was not an original thought. What I mean to say is that I had probably been told something about god, so the idea of God was probably handed to me from someone.
The part that I remember is that I think I can recall the feeling I had about the concept of god, a feeling that I may have understood more then than I could hope to grasp now. I remember thinking about it and being somewhat indifferent to it. It was kind of a matter of fact feeling, something I just kind of knew and it wasn’t a big deal.
It seems almost a little strange to me that now in my twenty-sixth year I still remember this experience. Because I still remember this feeling, I guess I still have it, but it has been covered in thought, religion and in teachings meant to make me good and not bad.
I’m not sure why exactly it is that this thought unburied itself today, out of all the memories and thoughts I have collected over the years. Maybe there is no reason. Maybe it’s just a matter of fact type of thing. Maybe I should be indifferent to it and just know it.
I also seem to remember trying to eat sand that afternoon.